Whether on a movie screen or in real life, we've all witnessed an awe inspiring romance. There's something about watching an epic love story unfold that motivates us. Its scenes encourage us to better love those around us. They cause us to reflect on our ability to love and often move us to tears. But what is it exactly that excites us so much?
Bell would argue “when we meet older couples who obviously still love each other and love being married to each other, we’re inspired because so many things around us are in the endless process of falling apart.” We’re immersed in a world where most things are dying, not growing, or losing life instead of gaining life. The inspiring thing about an epic romance is its ability to not simply survive difficult times but strengthen in spite of the chaos life often brings. And who wouldn’t want a relationship [more specifically a marriage] like that?
God begins the story of creation with a union. In the Garden of Eden Eve is created as a mate for Adam, who he later refers to as “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” In essence Adam is saying, “Where I am weak, she is strong, and where she is weak, I am strong.” Bell writes: “Eve is a corresponding strength for Adam. They fit together. They fill each other. They cover for each other. They’re better off together than apart.” Still, Bell believes, the marriage of Adam and Eve “is about something much bigger than the relationship itself.” He says, “It points beyond them to somebody else – to God. The point of marriage isn’t marriage. It’s a picture. A display. A window that you look through to something else.”
Marriage, Bell contends, serves as a counter to all of the brokenness present in the world. Think about it. We all have friends who are from “broken homes”. Or we know a couple that has “split up”. We’ve heard of a friend “shattered” by his lover’s infidelity. Or of somebody’s marriage that has fallen apart and who is left “picking up the pieces.” In relationships, brokenness is everywhere. And “when our trust has been betrayed and those who were supposed to stand by us don’t, this naturally has consequences for how we think about God. It becomes hard to trust that God is good when our significant relationships simply aren’t that good.” Bell says, “A marriage is designed to counter all of this. Not to add to the brokenness of the world but to add to the oneness of the world. This man and this woman who have given themselves to each other are supposed to give the world a glimpse of hope, a display for what God is like.”
Later Bell describes the qualities evident in marriages that truly reflect God’s love. Just as Adam and Eve were naked in the Garden, a quality marriage is one in which both partners are willing and able to be “naked” with each other. One where there is “No shame or embarrassment. No apologizing for who they are. No covering up or pretending. No masks or secrets. Total acceptance of each other.” He says, “That’s what we want, isn’t it? We want someone to see us exactly as we are and still love us. Being naked is terrifying. But what would it be like to be with someone who loves you exactly as you are?” This unconditional, absolute acceptance is what we all crave. Some seek it from a lover, but we can all find it from God. And when this absolute acceptance and relentless love is seen in couples, it gives a small glimpse into the love God has for us.
How do you find that kind of love? Bell says it doesn’t come easily…or quickly. It takes time. He says, “It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit and thoughts and fears and futures and hopes and dreams…that is being naked.” And that kind of exploration of a person takes times. Years. Because the discovery of a person’s soul is an ongoing process. One you never really finish if you truly take on the task. So, you can take your clothes off and “end up moving from relationship to relationship, having sex but never really being naked.”
Nakedness. It’s more than being without clothes. It’s about being willing to let someone discover who you are without any false pretenses. Without hiding the parts of yourself [or your past] that pain you and are likely to cause embarrassment when exposed. It’s about giving yourself entirely to someone and allowing him or her to fill in the spaces of you that are lacking. Being naked with someone is scary, but it can also be one of the most fulfilling and encouraging parts of life. And if you let it, it can reveal more about your creator than you had ever expected.
So find someone you can be naked with and who is willing to be naked with you. Sounds fun, huh?