Camp Living Stones: Focus

Mondays are usually difficult for me. I go from spending every waking hour doing fun things with the staff on the weekends, to sitting in an office alone hoping Stephen will come edit photos or a Pop Ice addict counselor will come grazing by the freezer in my office for a moment of brightly colored ice relief. While the other counselors are getting to know the new campers and finding a way to connect, I (wo)man the office sitting isolated from the rest of camp. Although my office duties are finished at 2pm, I often continue to feel lonely for the rest of the day. During the weeks I’m not helping in small group, I find it hard to connect with the kids in any meaningful way. It’s easy for me to become focused on myself. How lonely the office can become. I find myself envious of the relationship others are forming during the times spent together throughout the day.

I was praying about this last night after my time with the adult small group, and God so clearly brought the scripture to mind that reads “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be give to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). That verse totally put me in check. You would think that it would be very easy to continually seek God while working at a camp totally centered on God, but it can be a challenge. While I am removed from the distractions of my life in Orlando, working here provides a whole new set of distractions. Whether it is new relationships I’m trying to build with friends here or tasks I need to finish in the office, these things can so quickly take my focus off of Christ. Sadly, there are days [even here] that pass where I do not make time to spend quality time focused on God. I get so focused on the details and intricacies of the ministry I am trying to further that I forget to focus on the one on which all of this is centered. I find myself more focused on who I haven’t had the chance to talk with today or who I’m feeling distant from instead of placing my primary focus on Christ. And for that, I’m ashamed and saddened.

I write this from a place of honesty. A place where I admit that I can get so focused on selfish desires and doing things for God, that I quickly forget to spend time with God. My focus is on things of this world, as godly as they may be, instead of solely on Christ. I’m slowly learning that my focus cannot, should not, be on ministry. As odd as that may sound, focusing on ministry isn’t focusing on God. It’s the whole Mary and Martha thing. Although ministering to others is something all Christians are called to, I cannot let that become my focus. My focus must entirely remain on Christ. Ministry will come simply as byproduct of that.

I would ask for your prayers. Pray that I would not seek with others the companionship or fulfillment that God is meant to provide until I have first found that with him. Pray that I would feel God’s love and the love of others during the lonely times. Pray that God would continue to reveal himself to me as he shapes me more into the person he has created me to be. Pray that I’m open to listen and apply what he want to teach me, especially in the moments when God is teaching me how self-centered and worldly I can be.

I hope this wasn’t a downer post. It certainly was not meant to be such, for I am not saddened or depressed. Instead I find encouragement when God teaches me something new, even if it challenges me to examine myself in a way that may be uncomfortable. Stayed tuned, for I know God will surely teach me more on my journey this summer at Camp Living Stones.